SGD day 4: 500

Yesterday went pretty well :) I met with the vice principal at my local high school and was able to set up a volunteering schedule with her.  This morning I met with three teachers and will be observing and helping out in their classrooms.


I also somehow avoided a binge yesterday, although I really wanted to eat.  Luckily I got really full fairly quickly when I did eat so I couldn't eat anymore (but I really wanted to--I dunno why)...


Today I went on Wii Fit and it said I lost 1.5 lbs since last time :) Probably water weight but at least I'm back to 111 lbs.  It's encouraging me to keep it up :) I was actually about to eat something for lunch when I turned the Wii on and found out my weight, so I ended up  not eating yay!


Plan for today:

Breakfast:

1

items

Kiwi Fruit or Chinese Gooseberries

Lunch:

1

items

Orange

Dinner:

1.5	cups	Pasta, Spaghetti, Enriched, Cooked
8	oz	Sauce, Spaghetti with Zucchini (Vegan)  (r)

Exercise:
Wii ~-30 cals
Walking to work -201 cals

SGD day 3: 400

Yesterday I did really well.... until midnight :[
I binged and brought my cals up to like 1200... Gah I don't know what's wrong with me. I haven't been able to stop eating, esp late at night these past couple weeks.  I'm surprised I've only gained 1 pound.


I guess the only thing I can do is try again today.


Plan:

Breakfast:

1

items

Kiwi Fruit or Chinese Gooseberries

Lunch:

0.5

items

Orange

Dinner:

1

cups

Potatoes, Mashed, with Whole Milk

Snacks:

2	slcs	Bread, Wheat
2	tbsp	Hummus

~439 cals


Exercise:
30 mins Wii Fit (-93 cals)
1 hr walking to work (-201 cals)

SGD day 2: 300

Starting this thing over, but at day 2 since it's Tuesday.


Plan:
1 kiwi
.5 orange
.5 cup mashed potatoes
.5 pb and j sandwich
Total ~329 cals


Already did 30 mins of wii fit.
1 hour of walking (to work, which means I have to leave now so I'm not late!)

I know I haven't been around...

I've been working random shifts so I haven't had a real routine in months.  I hate it.  I need to figure out how to have a routine during chaos like this.  Good news is that I'm working long-ish hours so I actually get lunch breaks.  This is good for me because I refuse to spend money on food, so the only thing I get to eat is whatever I have on me.  Yay for not eating everything in the house!


I'm still 111, and I wanted to be less than 100 by the end of the month.  Not going to happen, but then again I haven't been dieting/working out consistently so I guess I should be glad that at least I haven't gained any weight.

SGD Day 5: 450 calories

intake: 
-pineapple (0 cals)
-spaghetti (303 cals)
-1 slice of bread (92 cals)
-croutons (61 cals)
TOTAL: 456 cals


exercise:
-walking 15 minutes (x4): -208cals


I had my interview this morning, and I got the job! I had to go take a drug test immediately afterwards, which I was kinda worried about because I smoke weed occasionally but it was over a week ago and I didn't have very much so hopefully I'll be alright.  The Target I applied to is really close to my house, so I was able to walk there and burn some calories.  I also had to walk to the drug testing center.


I borrowed a book from the library today. EAT by Ian K. Smith.  I skimmed through it and saw that I already knew most of the stuff in it, but I got it anyway because I'm trying to help my dad lose weight and I want my whole family to start eating healthier. (I know, it sounds hypocritical but even though I don't eat very much, all of the food I do put into my body is pretty healthy.  For example, everything I ate today listed above was homemade by me--even the bread was made from scratch... )


That's all for now I guess, time for me to catch up on some Desperate Housewives!!

SGD Day 4: 500 calories

I'm starting the SGD today, but since it is thursday I'll have to start on day 4 (SGD allows higher  calories over the weekend so I don't want to throw it off--I'll just loop back around and do days 1-3 at the end).


So far today...
weight: 112.6 lbs
exercise: 55 mins of jogging
food: 500 calories left (which I'll use for dinner when my parents get home)


Tomorrow I have an interview at my local Target.  I hope to get a part-time job there so I can volunteer at my old high school but still have money.  I plan on going to school next year for my teaching credential so I need volunteer experience and also letters of recommendation for my application.


Bah, like I said in my last post there isn't much going on in my life right now haha...

Time for a change...

I've been living at home for almost a month now...  I haven't gotten a job yet, which is why I haven't been posting (I haven't been doing anything lol)..  Anyway, when I moved back home I had been stuck at the same weight for ~5 months.  Now I weigh even more (gross).  I decided that although I never stick to these calorie plans, I have to do something to keep me from snacking all day while I sit around bored.  I plan to post on here everyday as well to keep me on track with running and the diet. Hopefully I can also fit in some yoga/pilates too :)

:)

I'm past the first two days of the HCG diet where I'm supposed to "gorge" myself with 1500-2000 calories.  I didn't actually eat that much and I also didn't get to take the drops as often as I was supposed to so I hope it still works out.  I might have to start it over again when I move back home because ideally I'm supposed to take the drops 6 times a day and that is really hard to do when I'm working!!


.something.so.small. I got my drops on amazon.com so I'm not sure if they're legitimate but the reviews seemed pretty good.  I'm pretty sure they were less than $20 too.


americaneaglelove Thanks for the encouragement! And that is so cool that you're in cross country.  I hurt my foot a while ago and haven't gone running in ages D=  but I promise I'll start up again next week when I'm at home and have nothing to do anyway :D

Wow

I've been gone for a long time. Mostly because of work and computer troubles.  Also went to Hawaii :D


Bah I still don't really have a working computer.  My old laptop officially died (hard drive died I believe).  It sucked but then I started using an old laptop by boyfriend fixed.  But the screen on that one died.  So now I'm using my sister's broken laptop.  Half the screen is cracked and it really hurts my eyes but I'm desperate!!


I've been 111 pounds since like May.  Something ridiculous like that.  I hit a plateau and couldn't figure out how to get past it.  Plus I really wanted an excuse to eat "normally" so I basically told myself that I couldn't get past the plateau anyway.  So for the past few months I've been going back and forth between eating normally, gorging myself, and starving myself. bleh.


But now I've got one week left in my apartment before I move back in with my parents...  Ironically, I'm actually kind of looking forward to it because both of my parents will be at work all day so there will be no one to monitor my exercise/eating habits.  It's weird, but the freedom that came with living away from my parents left me with a ton of roommates that I have to watch out for.  I've only exercised at my apartment once because somehow everyone was gone while I had some time off from work.  I could always go out for runs, but I had to limit myself to once a day if someone else saw me go out earlier.  My roomies know about my bad eating habits, but I don't think they know the full extent of it....  Anyway, like I said, I'm looking forward to going home for a little while at least :D


So for the most part I haven't taken diet pills.  I think I've tried 3 different kinds, and I finished the bottles but I've never really noticed their effects.  My main appetite suppresant is coffee/caffeine.  I get by without eating until dinner through that.  But I bought some HCG drops a while ago and just tried them today.  I like the effect so far (probably because there's alcohol in it lol) but we'll see how it goes later in the day and tomorrow.  I'm supposed to eat 1500-2000 calories the first 2 days, then 500 cals for up to 21-40 days.


Ahh gotta go, my battery is dying!!!  Hopefully I will be able to update again soon.

just wanted to let you guys know that im still here... just havent had the time to sort through things and create a coherent post...

Wah, sorry for being MIA lately...  I got strep throat which kept me from doing anything fun for a week and a half :( Also went through a (tiny) period of time when I thought maybe I should just be satisfied with my body.  This lasted a few days until I saw a girl I work with (she had been on vacation for 1.5 weeks).  She is the same height as I am but sooooooo tiny.  She's really cute and guy customers are always flirting with her.  I don't need that because I have a boyfriend, but still... 

So I'm going to try to get back to my original habit of not eating during the day and having only a small meal at night.  I hope this helps me lose some weight, as I haven't really lost anything in FOREVER!  I really need something to jumpstart my weight loss...

Anyway, I'm off to catch up on all your blogs since I haven't logged in in soooo long !!

A few things...

Yesterday was the first day of class for the second half of summer school...  Also the first time I didn't have class yay!  It feels so nice to be done with school and not worry about due dates and homework, etc.  Although yesterday I kept feeling like I was forgetting to do something, I knew there wasn't anything for me to do lol.

Anyway, as nice as yesterday should have been, I ended up getting pretty sick.  I had a fever all night and was burning up for the rest of the day.  Then my throat started bothering me and my stomach hurt soooo badly.  The only thing I could think of was, well at least I can't eat and no one will say anything to me about not eating...

Yesterday security cameras were also installed at my work.  This sucks because I always get salads there for my lunch/dinner (eat half for lunch and half for dinner), but now I have to pay for them and even with my employee discount I still can't justify spending $2.50 for a bowl of lettuce everyday when I could just chop up some lettuce from the grocery store.  (I really hate paying for food, it's such a waste!)  Anyway this could be a good thing or a bad thing.  I am not going to pay for my lunch, which means I just won't eat during the day = good thing.  But I also won't have my half salad for dinner, so I'll end up eating food with way more calories at night = bad thing.  I guess I just need to make sure to keep my portions tiny at night, even though I'll be pretty hungry by then.  I did it during Lent when I fasted between 6am and 6pm and only ate a small meal for dinner.  I lost sooo much weight doing that, and I haven't really lost anything since then either :(

I really need to run a bit this week, but I'm so tired from being sick.  I have a 5k coming up this weekend though, and it's my first one so I want to be prepared for it!

 

Took my last final earlier today :) I am officially done with college!!

And now it is time to focus on losing weight :D  I went for a run today, first time in over a week >.<  I'm going to make sure I go 5x a week, no homework so no excuses.  I also brought my little 2 pound exercise ball from home, so maybe I can do some workouts in the mornings with that.

I'm back at 111 pounds.  I started losing a tiny bit of it but then gained it all back because of studying.  However I did catch a glance of myself in the window when I was walking to work and I guess I could be considered slim finally.  Not skinny, not thin, but maybe maybe slim...  Actually, I take it back.  I don't want to jinx myself by letting myself get content with where I am right now...

No time

Bleh I've been so busy finishing up my last two classes (finals next week!) and also with work. I haven't had any free time to come on here and post (although I've been making sure to keep up with all of your blogs!).  Tomorrow I'm going home to go to Comic-con!!  Which means I'll be crazy busy for the rest of the week with that.

I haven't gotten a chance to read Unbearable Lightness yet, but I downloaded Wasted and read that on my new Kindle this weekend.  OMG. It was such an intense read.  I could see myself in her and it scared me to see her lose complete control.  But it was even scarier to find myself inspired by her control (at first) and determination.  As I was reading it, I kept telling myself "okay take this as a warning, you cannot let this happen to you."  But I'd find myself later thinking about how I could go back to running everyday, and that my excuses for not having time or being too tired were just weak excuses....  And I'd think, I could probably cut this out of my diet, and also that...

Anyway, yesterday I went for a run even though I wasn't planning on it as a had an entire weeks worth of homework due that I hadn't started yet.  But I convinced myself that I would just stay up as late as necessary to finish it, and that I needed to run.  I'll also make sure to run today, especially since I'll be traveling tomorrow.  Then Comic-con for 4 straight days, which means no time for eating and walking around all day lugging around my huge bag of freebies!!!  Very excited, I look forward to it every year :)  I just hope that I have the energy for it--I've become addicted to coffee this past year, but I usually have free access to it from work or by making it at home.  At comic-con I would actually have to pay for it, which I would rather not do since I drink so much of it and starbucks is sooo expensive!! 

Just got Unbearable Lightness by Portia di Rossi :)  Very excited to read it, I'm hoping that it helps keep me on track.

I think I'll make my goal less than 500 calories a day.  I know I'm restricting but I'm not really counting calories since I've been eating pretty much only fruits and veggies (got used to it from the SGD, where I didn't have to count them).  So I know I'm taking in very few calories but I just want to make sure I'm under a limit just in case I get out of control.

Today and yesterday my eating was pretty bad.  Close to 1000 calories each day.  I'm anxious about my weigh in on Friday.  I need to be less than 109.5 because if I get back to 111 (where I was plateauing for forever) I'll die.

This weekend I'm staying at my apartment in LA instead of going home to OC with my boyfriend.   Yay because I'm way better at restricting here than I am in OC for some reason.  Plus I'm WAAAAYYYY better at exercising here than in OC since I have a routine here (for the weekdays) and I've never gotten to create a routine in OC.

If I can start off next week at a decent weight instead of trying to work off my weekend binges (which is what I usually end up doing, hence my 111 plateau) then I should be in good shape by next friday.  I wanted to be at my GW by August, which I know won't happen (barring some kind of miracle).  I'm not too worried because I'll finally be done with school by August (forever! maybe...) so I'll just be working at the coffee shop for 6 weeks (August and 2 weeks of September) and concentrating on losing weight.  So hopefully I can reach my GW by the end of summer.  Hmmm that kinda sucks, would have been ideal to be skinny during the summer lol but oh well....  As long as I get there :)

Anyone know any other good ED books?  I just ordered a Kindle + I'm almost done with school so I'll be reading a lot more nowadays :)

In my efforts to eat healthier, I have decided to only consume "real" food.  To me this means no preservatives or anything I can't immediately recognize/know where it comes from.

I guess we'll see how this goes :)

Done with SGD

I ended up reverting back to restricting, and I didn't want to force myself to eat more than I wanted to just to reach the numbers for the SGD so I just decided to stop.

Anyway, this week has been sooo busy for me, which is why I haven't been posting :(  Busy + I haven't had much time to myself to sneak on here and post.  Whenever I did get a chance I used it to catch up on all of your blogs, leaving me no time to post anything myself.  (I'd rather read about how you guys are doing than ramble on about myself!)

So I was able to go running three days in a row! Yay! I better keep it up next week too.  I have a midterm on Monday, which means that all my studying will be done this weekend (leaving me free to run everyday next week).

I kind of ran this morning, but lately I've been running in the evening (more time + it's cooler after 6pm) so when I went out today at around 9:40ish it was SO HOT!!!  Not to mention that when I run in the evenings I have approximately 24hours between each session, giving my body time to recover.  But since I ran in the morning today (and I ran in the evening yesterday), I didn't give myself enough time in between sessions.  So I ended up jogging about half of my route and walking the rest.  It's okay though, because when I got back and weighed myself the scale read 109.5!!!!

I'm so excited to finally get away from 111 (where I had been stuck at for so long).  I immediately drank 2 cups of water and jumped in the shower, but for some reason I was absolutely exhausted and couldn't keep my head up.  I got scared that I might pass out in the shower so I quickly washed the shampoo out of my hair and got out.  Then I lay down in bed for a few minutes...  Phew!  I'm fine now, but I was really paranoid for a few minutes there.

Oh, I also started keeping a journal since I've had some thoughts that I wanted to post on here but never got a chance to.  I'll be sure to post them on here on days I have nothing to say haha!

SGD day 13: 650

Still 111 this morning.  I'm determined to stick to the SGD this weekend though.  All i need to do is stuff myself full of low cal fruits and veggies, then I won't be able to eat anything else! :)

Update

Right after my earlier post I immediately took some fiber and went back to bed feeling bad about myself.  When I got up to go to work later I went to the bathroom and weighed-in at 111 pounds.  So at least I didn't gain this week.

I haven't eaten anything today yet (it's about 7:30pm right now).  I feel so tired and my head hurts a little bit (drank a bunch of black coffee to keep my energy up without food).  I might end up eating some salad and/or fruit.  I also said I was going to go running today.  But I'm tired.  I know I said no excuses.  But I don't want to feel even worse when I get back, assuming I finish my run in the first place.  As much as I love running and being outdoors, this is definitely one of the times I wish I had a treadmill or some kind of exercise machine in my apartment.  Or at least some space/privacy to do an exercise video or some yoga.  I'm tired and it's really hot outside, and I wish I could stay inside but still exercise.

Took some more fiber just now.  Keeps me nice and full and also cleans me out at the same time.

I hope I can get through this weekend without messing up my diet.  Three-day weekend!

SGD day 12: 450

Weigh-in this morning: 111.5 :(
I've gained half a pound this week?!?!? 
Ugh.
I have 450 calories today but I don't feel like eating.
I haven't gone running for 2 days in a row. I have to go later today, no excuses.
It's really hot out right now.

...

Nothing else to say, I'm pretty bummed about my weight but I guess I should've known by my calories yesterday and Wednesday.

Almost binged just now.  I got home and I started eating an avocado roll that my boyfriend gave me.  Whenever I eat these sushi things, I bite them in half so that I get the middle filling part but only half the rice.  So the whole thing had 140 calories but I'm pretty sure I had no more than 100.  But once I started eating it (usually have salad for lunch/dinner) I wanted mooreee fooodd. I ate 3 mini rice cakes.  Then a handful of dark chocolate chunks. A handful of soy nuts. A pecan cookie.  12 prunes.  A regular rice cake.  With peanut butter.  Finally finished with my mango salad.  Ended up with around 600 calories according to the SGD (didn't count my mango salad cals--it was just 1/2 cup of mango and a ton of romaine lettuce).  I stopped when I realized how I must've looked.  Just shoving everything around me into my mouth. Anything I could get my hands on.  It was disgusting. So I stopped.  Thank goodness, I was supposed to have 500 calories today anyway, so i didn't do too badly.

Started chewing some gum to distract myself.  I wasn't physically hungry anymore, but I knew if I had the chance I would end up eating anyway.  Then came on here to check out the thinspo on all your blogs.  Remembered that the only way I'd ever get close to being skinny is if I stop eating.  Took some fiber.  Apparently I get enough fiber because of all the fruits and veggies I eat on a daily basis.  So my fiber supplement isn't really necessary...  Whatever,, I don't want any extra poop weight in my body ever.

Oh, in my diet and exercise class we had to weigh ourselves and find out body fat %.  I was really anxious because I felt like I could pee (even though I made sure not to drink any water 1.5 hrs prior to when we would be weighed) and I didn't want to weigh more than I really do just because I was full of pee!  Anyway, the scale read 113.6, which is not bad considering I didn't pee beforehand and I had a bagel and a banana earlier in the day.  The surprising part was my body fat %.  I thought it would be super high because I can tell that my body is mostly fat and very little muscle.  But it wasn't.  According to my class (these numbers vary based on different sources), 16.7-24.9% is normal, above 25% is overweight and under 16.7 is lean.  Somehow my body fat % is 16.5 :)  Nice little birthday present :)  Except that literally the second I got home I went through a mini binge....  

SGD day 11: 500

Thank you all for the birthday wishes yesterday!!

Yesterday was so much fun :) After BJ's everyone headed over to my apartment and we just hung out and drank for the rest of the night.  It was relaxing drinking though, not crazy party time since it was a Wednesday lol.  I CANNOT wait for this weekend (3-day weekend woo!!).  That is when the real party should happen lol yay!

Another great thing about yesterday was that I ended up not liking my pasta haha! Sounds like a bad thing, but since I didn't like it I only ate 1/4 of it, plus about 1/3 of my friend's veggie pizza (no cheese).  So in total I had about 300 calories from dinner :)  ...But I did have 3 beers last night >.<  It was worth it though... 

Today I get 500 calories, plus I'm going for a run later today.  So far I've found the SGD to be my favorite diet in terms of ease and energy levels.  Only problem is I really wanted to be 95lbs by August, meaning I've got a month to lose like 15 pounds :( Don't think that's going to happen, especially since I'm almost halfway through the SGD without experiencing a crazy amount of weight loss.  I guess I can't really know until I weigh myself tomorrow, but it doesn't seem very likely.

Intake today:

-1 plain bagel ~ 200 cals
-banana: 0

(will update again after dinner)



Aye Ell I hate that although I expect a temporary gain the morning after a party it always kills me whenever I see that high number on the scale.  It doesn't make any sense to freak out but we all do it, which is why I'm just going to try to avoid it for now :)

parisienne.love thank you! Hopefully I can finish out the rest of the SGD strong :)

Princess Perfection thanks and you're right, I think a night off for my 21st birthday was well deserved haha :)

Thin or Not and Evelyn thank you for the birthday wishes :)

Ceecee omg I know!  I'm the youngest out of my group of friends (everyone is at least a year older than me because I graduated a year early) so I have been dyiinnggg to turn 21 lol.  I can finally go out with everyone without any worries :)

Sammy hahah! yes please I hope my body cooperates with me this week :)

Camille you're absolutely right and I'm trying not to get discouraged by the slow weight loss by telling myself it's probably more muscle from exercise.  I can definitely run a lot further and faster than I could when I first started, so that's something!

SGD day 10: 400

Yesterday went very well.  In total I had just over 300 calories, but according to the SGD (where fruits and veggies don't count as calories), I had just over 100 :D

I also ran yesterday, I didn't stop once for 4 miles.

Today is my birthday, I'm 21 now!!!  We're going to BJ's tonight, and I've already looked at the menu ahead of time.  I'm going to have the Mediterranean vegetable pasta, which has 525 calories.  I'm going to get it with no cheese, which should reduce the calories by a tiny bit.  I've already used up 160 calories today (hearth thrive energy bar), but I know my boyfriend is going to make sure I eat most of the pasta since I will probably have a couple of drinks (hey I'm 21 now lol).  Anyway, even with all that, I don't think my calorie intake will be all that high (definitely keep it under 1000) + it's my birthday so as long as I make sure today is the only day I go over my calorie limit I should be fine :)

I can tell that my body is getting back to where it was at my lowest weight.  I'm not going to weigh-in until Friday so that I don't obsess over every little change, (like tomorrow for example, I would probably not be happy with my weight after my festivities tonight), but I can definitely tell by the way my clothes are fitting me.  I was 111 last Friday, I would LOVE to be closer to 108 this week, but as long as I don't gain because of tonight I'll be happy.  BUUUUUT I really hope I lose something, anything!!! Lol, please, as a birthday present?

SGD day 9: 300

I'm really tired already, and I've just started the 2nd week of summer school! (6 weeks total).  It's a good thing though, means I'm not getting enough energy from food :)

My boyfriend is onto me--he keeps hinting that I have an eating disorder and making sure I eat.  But he only keeps a close enough eye on me during the weekends.  Monday-Friday he's too busy playing video games with our roommates to notice what I'm eating.

I like the SGD so far.  It's making me eat most of my calories from fruits and veggies.  Usually I would count the calories from fruits/veggies, so I wouldn't eat very many when I was restricting.  But now that it's "unlimited," I've been eating around 2 whole pieces of fruit a day and a huge salad that I split over 2 meals.  This makes me full enough to not have to eat so much of other kinds of food (as in non-fruits/veggies).  It's perfect because calories from fruits/veggies are pretty much the only ones I want in my body anyway :)

I want to be an expert at reading nutritional and ingredient labels on food.  I can already scan for non-vegan items really quickly, I want to add refined sugars/any other non-whole-food to my list of ingredients to avoid.  Hmm maybe I should make a list...

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday :) I'm turning 21 during my last summer of college haha

I'm determined to eat as little as possible and still run everyday for the rest of this week.  I'll see how it goes.

Princess Perfection and Thin or Not thanks for your encouragement :) I think you guys are my best motivation to stay strong and lose more weight because I know we are all going through the same things together!

SGD day 8: 400

This past weekend I should have had around 650 calories a day.  I ended up doubling that amount--for both days! (~1300 each day)

Blegh it sucks, but I did get to hang out with my family at the mall (lots of walking yay).

Hmm I'm in the comp lab and a bunch of people just walked in, so I'm going to have to pick this up later...

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here and I'm still determined to stick to the SGD!

Update (1:00pm): Phew, okay I'm back :)
So far today:
-apple: 0 cals
-heart thrive energy bar: 160
-jogging (1 hour): -250
total: -90 so far :)

Hmm so although I'm fed up with my weight/body again and I thought I was determined to lose more, I can't seem to really get focused and stick to my diet.  I'm fine during the week when I have school and work to distract me, but when I actually need to rely on my strength and willpower to avoid food I don't even try.  I can tell because I've done it before, and I know it's hard but I've done it.  Bah so now I just restrict during the week (which is easy) so that I can eat whatever I want over the weekend and not gain any weight.  Arghh but I want to lose weight and I'm not.  I don't know how to make myself try through--I don't know how to get myself motivated enough..

Hmph.  so now I just feel guilty about eating/huge and covered in fat all the time--and yet somehow that isn't enough to make me stop eating?

meh.

SGD day 5: 450

Hmm day 2 of my period.  So I'm 111 again today, most likely due to all the BLOATING yuck.  It's 11am and I don't feel like eating anything but I also don't feel like running :(

Yesterday I started using a software with which I record everything I eat and all of my activity.  It's a lot better than the free one I was using online (fitday.com, which is still pretty good for being free).  I'm kinda scared about turning in my data though, because I'm eating very little and exercising a lot.  But I don't want to add in extra food to look "normal" because I actually want to use this thing to monitor my real progress lol!

Ah well I'll have to come back later tonight and update my food intake and hopefully my exercise because my roommates just came into my room and left the door open, so they keep coming in and I have to scramble and switch to another tab so they don't see me typing this aahh...  

Update (5:30pm): Yay I did go for a jog after I first posted!  But my stomach hurt again like yesterday after 30 mins of jogging, so I stopped and walked the rest of the way (40 mins).  So far I've only eaten 1/2 an apple (0 cals counted) and 1/2 a plain salad (0 cals again).  I also had 5 little chunks of chocolate for ~70 cals :) hey i'm on my period! lol

So far:
1/2 apple: 0
1/2 salad: 0
chocolate: 70
jogging: ~(-125)
walking: ~(-100)

SGD day 4: 500

This post is actually for yesterday.

Intake:
[x]apple: 0
[x]banana: 0
[x] heart thrive: 160
[x] plain salad: 0
[x] soy nuts: 130
[x] jelly beans: 70
[x] cookie: 100
[x] rice cakes: 200
Total ~660

Eww so much food but it was the first day of my period and I was out of control ahh!  I also couldn't even complete my run because of my period, I only did 30 minutes of jog/walk instead of 60 mins of jogging.  Although it did burn off most of what I ate over my limit.

111 pounds today!

SGD day 3: 400

I'm back down to 112.5 today!  Slowly but steadily I am getting back to where I was before my month-long binge :)

So I just graduated from college, but I'm still taking my last 2 classes right now (just started Monday).  One of them is a math class (I won't bore you with the details lol) and the other is a GE class about diet and exercise...  Hmmmm!  It's really quite interesting and I am already learning so much useful information.  We're all pretty much experts on here about all of the different diets out there and which ones work, etc.  But now I'm learning about why these diets work/don't work and exactly which bodily processes they are capitalizing on.  For example, we've heard that eating multiple small meals a day is better than a couple of large meals.  Why? Because low glucose levels (sugar) causes us to release insulin, which inhibits the breakdown of fat (BAD!).  So instead, we should try to keep our glucose levels higher constantly to promote lower insulin.

Anyway, I'll try to include some more helpful tips from my class on here to share with everyone in the future :)

Plan for today: 400 calories
[x] 2 carrots: 0
[] plain salad: 0
[] fruit: 0
[] vegan meatloaf (homemade by me! out of mushed up black beans) ~230

Princess Perfection I wish I could run for miles and miles without stopping!  I daydream about it all the time, it seems so exhilerating and refreshing.  But I can't do it--not yet anyway!  I've built up to running for over 16 minutes without stopping so far, hopefully I can continue to improve because I love it so much :)

SGD day 2: 300

So today I started out by doing my 4 mile jog.  The last time I did it here in LA was over a week ago (I went home last week because I didn't have school), and I was wearing shorts that kept riding up making me feel incredibly self-conscious (I have huge legs).  Anyway, I was still feeling a bit traumatized by that so I decided to flip my route so that I went through the city part of my jog first before people I might know would be up and about.  Also, if there were any people that might see me, I would just be starting my run so I would still be running strong when they saw me.  The only problem is I didn't take into account the hills on my route.  The direction I usually go in has less steep uphills but steep downhills.  I didn't think about that lol.  So today I was trying to run up steeper hills than I'm used to (and I'm not that much of a runner yet to begin with), and I ended up walking up most of them.  Then like 30 minutes into it I felt like I was going to pass out, possibly because I just started the SGD + I was doing more uphills than I was used to.  I tried to keep going but I really didn't want to faint so I stopped and cut across campus (I've been doing a perimeter run) and went home :(

It sucks because although I was still out there for an hour, half of it was walking.  It was also the first time I tried to run since I started restricting again and I wanted to see how much it would affect my running.  But since I messed everything up by going the opposite way I won't know until tomorrow.

I'm pretty worried because I started running when I decided to become more "healthy."  The only problem was my calories were getting out of control during my "healthy" period and I got up to 115 pounds yesterday (up from 108 pounds in only a month, but down to 114 today).  But I've grown to love running, and I want to continue challenging and improving myself.  It seems somehow that maybe I can't have both :(  I can't be superskinny and be a strong runner.  At least not for now :(

Anyway, I figure I burned about 200 calories this morning.  So far I had an apple (0 cals) and a plain salad (0 cals).  I also had some soy nuts (~150 cals<--I'm overestimating just in case).  So I've still got 150 cals left, or 350 if I subtract my cals burned.  I'm pretty sure I should be fine :) I'm actually still working on my salad and it's already 7pm.

Princess Perfection: Thanks for the words of encouragement!  You're always there for me with something positive :)

Wings to Set me Free: I'll definitely keep you guys updated!  It's nice to be back on here again--you guys keep me on track with my weight loss goals :)

Samzi: Great, thanks for the help :)  I'm not too worried about feeling hungry just because fruits/veggies are so filling anyway, but I'll probably try to keep them under 200 like you said so that I still lose weight!

SGD Day 1: 400

I've decided to try the Skinny Girl Diet. I really want to do the ABC because I've been eating nonstop for the past week partying and visiting with people after my graduation.  But I also want to continue running everyday, and I'm not sure I can do that with too few calories.  I don't want to end up giving up on my diet or my running, so I'm trying the SGD!  Oh, I would also try the Healthy Skinny Girl Diet, but I feel it allows too many calories so I might end up stuffing my face all the time.  I want to be healthy, but now is not the time!  I want to feel good about my body for the first time everrrr so I'm going to once again do whatever it takes to lose weight.

Update (10:20pm):
-banana: 0
-plain salad: 0
-2 homemade vegan pecan sandies (why?!?!): 200
-2 homemade vegan rice krispies (again, why?!?!?): 100
-handful of soynuts: ~100
Total: ~400


Hmm.  Feels weird not counting fruits/veggies.  Not sure if I should count them in though.

Graduation!

This morning I went to my departmental graduation ceremony.  I kept getting emotional and teary-eyed (I just can't believe I accomplished what I have, and that I'm going to have to move on right when I was getting comfortable here).  Thanks to Wings to Set me Free and Princess Perfection for the congrats and words of wisdom!  I'm really going to try and sit back to just soak everything in this weekend and enjoy my time with my family.

After the ceremony I went with my family and my boyfriend's family out to Korean BBQ for lunch.  I order the bibimbap sans meat and egg, which means it was basically just a salad and rice--quite tasty!  Plus since it was mostly veggies I didn't feel bad about eating most of it (picked around the rice though to avoid the extra calories).  My parents went back to their hotel for now, so I'm just waiting for them to pick me up and we'll just hang out around LA for the rest of the day (I'm thinking of heading to the Beverly Center).

Last night I signed up for a 5k in August.  I'm really excited!  My goal is to do at least one race every month, or 2 (one every 2 weeks) if I can afford it.  I also bought some new running shoes, the Puma FAAS 300.

Well, I guess that's it for now.  Congrats to any other grads in the Class of 2011! (Like my little sister who just graduated from high school yesterday!)

Went for a jog again today :) First time going 2 days in a row in over a week!  I also weighed myself afterwards.  I'm 111.5, which is up 3.5 pounds since my lowest (feels like forever ago).   So far today I had almost 2 bananas (shared with my boyfriend) and like 10 animal crackers (<--I don't know why I ate those...)

Hmm not much to say today, I'm too tired from finals this week.  Didn't even go to my university's graduation ceremony today... It doesn't really matter though because I'm going to the Math Dept's graduation ceremony on Sunday, which is the one my family will be attending.  So EXCITED to be graduating haha!

Bah, I want to be skinny already!

I'm Back!

OMG I'm absolutely exhausted! These past two weeks all but killed me D: but hey, I'm done!  I've got a whole week off of school/work yay!  Time for some much needed rest :)


Later tonight I'm going for a jog (I haven't gone in almost a week!).  This weekend will be a blur because of graduation, but next week I'll get to catch up on this weight-loss I've had to put on hold :) I'll restrict as much as possible next week plus do extra exercise while I have the time.  Then once summer school starts I'll probably go back to the SGD or HSGD while jogging everyday (yay for my good old routines).


Anyway, off to catch up on all your blogs!  I've missed you guys sooo much!!!

Ahhhh sorry for not posting these past couple of weeks.  Unfortunately, I won't be on here much for the next 2 weeks either (finals!).  Anyway, just for a quick update: I've been jogging every weekday but I've been eating too much (and not even really enjoying it to tell you the truth).  I'm not sure of my exact weight but I know I've gained a bunch, probably like 4 pounds :(  I want to start restricting again, so I think I'll start experimenting with how much I need to eat to get by now that I've added jogging into my routine.  Eating healthy would be nice, but I just can't keep up with it right now.  I need to reach my weight goals before I can start thinking about anything like that.  Because I cannot stand what I look like now at ~112.  It's gross and I'm ashamed that I've put on 4 pounds that I worked so hard to lose.

HSGD Day 3: 900 calories

I have become completely obsessed with running!  I've been spending all my time looking up running gear, tips for maximizing your run, avoiding injuries, training towards really long runs (like marathons), etc. lol and I just barely started last week :)  I'm addicted though and I don't see myself ever stopping haha...

Unfortunately, my school work has been suffering because of this.  I've been waking up early everyday, making me too tired by the time I get home after work to study.  I've also been spending a bunch of time in the evenings looking up all that stuff I mentioned (and NOT doing homework...).

Anyway, I know I need to focus but I'm really happy and excited about running so for now I'm not going to try to ruin it by worrying too much.  I know I'll get all my stuff done when it comes down to it...  I hate cramming/stressing but it works for me, and the time crunch always forces me to focus and study my butt off.

Today:
[x]4 mile jog/walk

[x] Odwalla Vanilla Al'mondo Protein Smoothie ~290
[x] 1 Heart Thrive Energy Bar ~160
[x] 1 piece veggie wrap + salad ~100
[] 4 slices vegan pizza ~400
[] 1 orange~100
Total ~800

HSGD Day 2: 800

Plan for today:
[x]Odwalla Vanilla Almondo protein smoothie~300
[]1 orange~100
[]4 slices of vegan pizza~400
Total~800

Already jogged/walked 4 miles and burned ~250 :)

Thanks Thin or not, unbeautiful, and Ana's Addict for your support!  I really am feeling so much better now that I know I have control over something, and now that I have a routine again :) 

The only problem is I need to refocus on my school work but I've been too tired after work (I've been getting up 2 hours earlier everyday so that I can exercise) so I've really been slacking.  The quarter is winding down, which means finals are coming up (and I'm so behind in half of my classes!).  In 3 weeks I'll be graduating frrom university!!! (Uh, as long as I pass these classes lol...)  Meh, too much stress on me! I missed my last period, which always happens to me when I get too stressed out :(

And my boyfriend wants me to try to finish my HW early this week so we can go to a party on Thursday at his friends' apartment. Early?!? I usually can't even finish my HW on time!  Oh, and we'll be drinking, which means I need to save some calories for that night..  But I also need to eat beforehand (I know my boyfriend will check up on me to make sure I did), so I'm thinking about skipping my after-workout protein shake and using those calories on alcohol.  Which doesn't make any sense if I'm trying to be healthy (swapping protein for alcohol?!) but I don't want anything to go wrong with this new diet plan, especially because (1) I just barely started it and (2) I know I can actually get through the whole plan without worrying about other people (i.e., there are plenty of calories everyday so I don't have to worry too much about eating out with family/friends, etc.). Soooo I refuse to go over my allotted calories on Thursday even though I know it would be healthier to have the protein smoothie.

HSGD Day 1: 900 calories

Plan for today:
[x]1/2 Odwalla Protein bar~105 calories

[x]Protein smoothie after workout~400 calories

[x]mixed greens salad with dried cranberries, walnuts, sliced almonds~300

[]1/2 cup of stir fried veggies + rice noodles~100

Total~905

Plus 4 miles of jog/walk (one hour) burned ~250 calories

I've been feeling really crappy lately, which is why I decided not to post on here until I started this diet.  I can't eat if I don't count calories, if I don't have a specific calorie goal (limits don't work, I need a specific goal for some reason...) because then I'll lose control.  I am very much into routines, and last week my routine was gone.  I ate when I wasn't hungry, and I kept eating even when I was sick to my stomach.

But I feel good today :) I exercised and I have a food plan (and a calorie goal yay) so I feel like I am in control again.  I'm going to try not to focus too much on calories (like, I don't want to have to measure everything I eat so I can get the exact amount of calories), I want to use rough approximations so that I can stay in control but not get obsessed.

<3 thanks everyone for your support

Frustrated...

Well you can probably tell by my last post that I am not in a happy mood right now (due to the yuckiness in my belly) so in order to cheer myself up I decided that I would move on to the HSGD!

I know I said that I didn't want to count calories, but I have been anyway to make sure I'm getting "enough."  I really liked the structure that came with ABC, plus I like having to build my meals to a specific number everyday (makes it more interesting!) but my boyfriend (me too) wants me to be healthier and eat more (healthy foods of course).  So voila! the HSGD seems to be perfect for my needs :) I actually can't believe I didn't think of it earlier...  I will be doing cardio at least 4 times a week (except that I'm getting addicted so I might make it waaay more), but I don't think I'll subtract calories burned from my intake.  I'll also count fruits/vegetables because (1) I'm vegan, so what else do I eat really, and (2) half of the calories that go into my protein smoothies are from fruits and veggies (and half of my calories for the day come from those protein shakes...).


The plan is designed to start on a Monday, so I'm going to wait until then to start counting.  Maybe by then I won't even need to do it because I'll finally get used to eating loads of food and not having a real calorie limit (doubt it.).  But just thinking about it and planning it makes me feel better already :)  

Numbers are seriously my best friend <3 Calories, time, percentages lol (I'm about to graduate with a B.S. in Applied Mathematics haha I looooove numbers)

This is not worth it.

I ate over 4 hours ago and I still feel sick and full and gross.  I don't care what my boyfriend says, I am going to have to get most of my calories from protein shakes.  I cannot eat when I know I'm going to end up feeling like this.  Call it psychological, call it whatever you want--it's too much food for my body.

Ugh I have to go to sleep soon but my stomach feels so bloated!!  How am I supposed to wake up early tomorrow to exercise?!?!

hmph.

Bleh, too much food...  I can't believe that people (I used to) eat so much EVERY SINGLE DAY.  After restricting for so long, my stomach cannot take what I'm trying to force into it everyday.  And it's barely 1000 calories!!

Here's an idea of how my days have been going:
-Wake up @ 7ish and immediately go for a 4 mile walk/jog (on empty stomach to burn more fat)
-get back @9ish, shower, have banana + protein smoothie ~300 calories
-go to class @ 10
-protein smoothie @12 (trying to eat every 3 hrs to keep metabolism up) ~200 calories
-go to work, salad @ 3ish~250 calories
...When I get home from work (usually after 6), I'm still really full from my salad...  But it's time for me to eat again!  And my boyfriend is actually paying attention to me, and has been getting upset because I never want to eat dinner.  I know I promised that I would start eating more, but I feel like I physically can't!  And it sucks because if I don't force dinner down then I'll be back to restricting (except that it's not really on purpose this time...).  I need to get my stomach used to eating more, but I don't like the feeling of being so full and I especially don't like eating when I'm not hungry!  Ah so today I ate veggie chili and half a bread bowl for about 700 calories.  And I wasn't hungry...


I feel disgusting.


thin or not :) thanks for the advice, but unfortunately if I do that I'll rarely ever eat lol and then I'll probably end up binging, etc which I am really trying to get away from


Ana's Addict thank you for the encouragement :) I know it should get easier, I mean I obviously used to eat way more than this and I was fine--that's how I ended up so huge! But yea, I just need to be patient and not get frustrated :)


parisienne.love you're right, I haven't gained any weight so far :) but I'm not losing any either!  I've been at the same weight for like 3 weeks ugh...  Although I think the reason I'm not losing any weight this week is because I finally started working out so I'm gaining some muscle back yey I'm tired of being tired/weak :)


thin and bones yep I have been able to treat myself to my favorite food ever (peanut butter) without worrying too much :)  I've been snacking on it for like the past 5 days straight and have yet to gain any weight, plus I've been getting more fit from working out.  I can tell that my legs are getting stronger and I'm not getting tuckered out as easily as I was just a week ago.  Hmm.. is it possible to send me a message through blogger somehow?  I'm not sure but I feel like I've seen that option somewhere...  I don't want to post my email address on here because it has my full name...  Don't worry we shall figure something out lol!

First of all...

...you guys are awesome! Thank you so much for all the supportive comments yesterday :)

Secondly, update on yesterday: I had almost 1000 calories. Gross.  I felt like I was constantly eating, which I was since I was eating every 3 hours.  But it's part of being "healthier," and everything I added was either fruit or tofu/something with protein so I guess it's not too bad.  I'm worried about how much I'll weigh by Friday though, and I'm not entirely sure this new healthy diet is even making me feel better.  I guess it's due mostly to having gone so long without eating very much, but I felt so full and sluggish yesterday (not good because it'll lead me to skipping meals again).

This morning was rainy, but I still completed a 1 hour walk/jog around campus.  I walked/jogged over 4 miles in 1hr 10mins and felt great afterwards, so I'm happy!  I also made a fruit smoothie with soy protein and cacao powder for breakfast, but I'm hoping since I had it right after cardio that I am maximizing my calorie metabolism.  More updates tonight I hope :)

Good luck everyone <3

"Healthy"

I spent the weekend with my boyfriend trying to figure out what I need to add to my diet to be more healthy.  At the top of the list was obviously: calories.  The foods I eat are pretty healthy for the most part, I just don't eat "enough" of them. 

So here's my new plan: eat 3 meals a day + snacks so that I'm eating approximately every 3 hours.  I also can't count any calories until after I eat (otherwise I probably wouldn't eat it...).  Finally, I need to exercise at least 4 days a week, hopefully more. 

I still want to lose weight, so don't think I'm abandonning all of you out there!  And I will still be restricting my calories, just not so severely I guess.  My hope is that I will have more energy to get through my day, my boyfriend won't be so worried about me, and that I will continue to lose weight!  If any of you have seen the show Supersize Vs. Superskinny, there was a lady from the first series who looked amazing (to me anyway).  She was really into working out and eating healthy, but she ended up being "superskinny" because she just wasn't eating enough calories.  I want to end up looking like her, super thin but healthy-looking.

This is her modeling website if any of you were interested...

unbeautiful thanks for your support, I know you've been going through some stuff yourself. Stay strong <3

Ana's Addict I'm doing alright so far, but I know that I'll always be one step away from falling back into my old habits.  If the weight doesn't come off/I'm unsatisfied with my body I know that I'll revert back to restricting as it has never failed me before.  Good luck with your water fast!

Oh, and any new followers: Welcome! Please comment to let me know who you are, especially if you have a blog so I can follow you too :)

It seems my last couple of posts were deleted off here while Blogger was down...

Anyway, I'm a bit lost right now.  I don't think I want to do the ABC anymore.  I don't want to think about calories or too much food or anything.  I want to stop starving myself.  I want to be healthy.  But I can't bring myself to eat.  And when I do eat, I feel full/uncomfortable quickly (which means not eating "enough" to be healthy).  

My friend made me a pizza today.  The whole thing would have been ~800 calories.  I got really anxious because I was supposed to fast today for the ABC, but he made it for me and he's the only person I talk to about my issues with food (besides my boyfriend, but I leave out a lot of the more worrisome details when I talk to my boyfriend...) so I decided to take a bite.  I ended up eating a whole slice (~100 calories) but reverted back to my rituals of picking at it (ate all the veggie toppings off it, telling myself that those were the tastiest parts but knowing deep down it's probably because they're so low in calories).  I then felt quite full after the 1 slice, which doesn't make sense because I hadn't eaten anything all day.

I want to be thin, and I willingly put myself through all of this "starvation" stuff for it.  But now I'm getting kind of scared.  I thought I had control over food.  But now I think that I've lost the control, and even though I think that I would rather be healthy for some reason I can't change what I'm doing.

I also feel that I'm compulsively trying to fit exercise into my day, when I used to not care.  And it's not healthy exercise, just exercise because I feel the need to do it.  

I feel like I need to push my body to its limits without understanding why I feel this way.  I hope that this weekend will provide me with some clarity.

ABC day 7: 300

Unfortunately, my scale doesn't seem to be working properly again so I won't know if I'm making any progress until I get a new one (I can't trust this one anymore, it keeps messing up and tells me I either gained or lost ~10 pounds).

Yesterday I felt really tired and lazy, and ended up not doing anything all day.  Today I'll have to really focus on my homework so I can turn it in complete (since I missed class yesterday I didn't do/turn in one of my hw assignments).  I've been getting so lazy this quarter since I know that I'm graduating soon and it'll all be over shortly.  The only problem is, in order for that to happen I need to not fail my classes now.

It's been extra hard for me to focus though because I have become truly obsessed with food and losing weight.  I spend most of my time on these blogs, looking up the best ways to lose weight, or watching shows like Supersize Vs. Superskinny, etc.  It's weird, but the thing I'm most looking forward to when I graduate is having more time to go to the gym and work out.  It's like I all of a sudden I hate HW because it's keeping me from working out.  Obviously hw has always sucked, but now instead of keeping me from hanging out with friends or partying, it's keeping me from losing weight and getting fit.  For some reason I don't care so much about being with other people, not until I get this taken care of first...

Ugh and I need a new scale!  My next purchase will be a nice scale that I can finally trust in...

Plan for today:

[x] Breakfast: 1/4 orange slice ~25

[x] Lunch: vegan egg roll ~130

[x] Dinner: vegan egg roll~130

[x] Snack: 1/4 orange slice ~25

Total~310

Good luck everyone!

ABC day 6: 200 (again)

This weekend was fun, got to spend time with my family for Mother's Day.  BUT I was definitely off the ABC during this time.  At first I figured I would just skip those days and move on but why not just continue it? I don't see why I would even skip those days...  So today is now ABC day 6 again!

Plan for today:
[x]Dinner: vegan egg roll ~130
[]Snack: 2 orange slices ~50 too full from the weekend
Total: ~180 130


Also planning on doing another Salt Water Flush tonight lol I think I'm addicted after just one time :)

Hmm, not sure what else to mention.  I've felt so slow and sluggish and sick today, I don't know why.  I missed all three of my classes this morning and barely made it through work.  Ugh starting to feel sick again... 

Update (11:30pm): Salt Water Flush isn't working as well this second time around, but I think it's because I haven't been hydrating as well as I usually do.  Tomorrow my goal will be to drink at least 2 liters of water.