Ahhhh sorry for not posting these past couple of weeks.  Unfortunately, I won't be on here much for the next 2 weeks either (finals!).  Anyway, just for a quick update: I've been jogging every weekday but I've been eating too much (and not even really enjoying it to tell you the truth).  I'm not sure of my exact weight but I know I've gained a bunch, probably like 4 pounds :(  I want to start restricting again, so I think I'll start experimenting with how much I need to eat to get by now that I've added jogging into my routine.  Eating healthy would be nice, but I just can't keep up with it right now.  I need to reach my weight goals before I can start thinking about anything like that.  Because I cannot stand what I look like now at ~112.  It's gross and I'm ashamed that I've put on 4 pounds that I worked so hard to lose.

HSGD Day 3: 900 calories

I have become completely obsessed with running!  I've been spending all my time looking up running gear, tips for maximizing your run, avoiding injuries, training towards really long runs (like marathons), etc. lol and I just barely started last week :)  I'm addicted though and I don't see myself ever stopping haha...

Unfortunately, my school work has been suffering because of this.  I've been waking up early everyday, making me too tired by the time I get home after work to study.  I've also been spending a bunch of time in the evenings looking up all that stuff I mentioned (and NOT doing homework...).

Anyway, I know I need to focus but I'm really happy and excited about running so for now I'm not going to try to ruin it by worrying too much.  I know I'll get all my stuff done when it comes down to it...  I hate cramming/stressing but it works for me, and the time crunch always forces me to focus and study my butt off.

Today:
[x]4 mile jog/walk

[x] Odwalla Vanilla Al'mondo Protein Smoothie ~290
[x] 1 Heart Thrive Energy Bar ~160
[x] 1 piece veggie wrap + salad ~100
[] 4 slices vegan pizza ~400
[] 1 orange~100
Total ~800

HSGD Day 2: 800

Plan for today:
[x]Odwalla Vanilla Almondo protein smoothie~300
[]1 orange~100
[]4 slices of vegan pizza~400
Total~800

Already jogged/walked 4 miles and burned ~250 :)

Thanks Thin or not, unbeautiful, and Ana's Addict for your support!  I really am feeling so much better now that I know I have control over something, and now that I have a routine again :) 

The only problem is I need to refocus on my school work but I've been too tired after work (I've been getting up 2 hours earlier everyday so that I can exercise) so I've really been slacking.  The quarter is winding down, which means finals are coming up (and I'm so behind in half of my classes!).  In 3 weeks I'll be graduating frrom university!!! (Uh, as long as I pass these classes lol...)  Meh, too much stress on me! I missed my last period, which always happens to me when I get too stressed out :(

And my boyfriend wants me to try to finish my HW early this week so we can go to a party on Thursday at his friends' apartment. Early?!? I usually can't even finish my HW on time!  Oh, and we'll be drinking, which means I need to save some calories for that night..  But I also need to eat beforehand (I know my boyfriend will check up on me to make sure I did), so I'm thinking about skipping my after-workout protein shake and using those calories on alcohol.  Which doesn't make any sense if I'm trying to be healthy (swapping protein for alcohol?!) but I don't want anything to go wrong with this new diet plan, especially because (1) I just barely started it and (2) I know I can actually get through the whole plan without worrying about other people (i.e., there are plenty of calories everyday so I don't have to worry too much about eating out with family/friends, etc.). Soooo I refuse to go over my allotted calories on Thursday even though I know it would be healthier to have the protein smoothie.

HSGD Day 1: 900 calories

Plan for today:
[x]1/2 Odwalla Protein bar~105 calories

[x]Protein smoothie after workout~400 calories

[x]mixed greens salad with dried cranberries, walnuts, sliced almonds~300

[]1/2 cup of stir fried veggies + rice noodles~100

Total~905

Plus 4 miles of jog/walk (one hour) burned ~250 calories

I've been feeling really crappy lately, which is why I decided not to post on here until I started this diet.  I can't eat if I don't count calories, if I don't have a specific calorie goal (limits don't work, I need a specific goal for some reason...) because then I'll lose control.  I am very much into routines, and last week my routine was gone.  I ate when I wasn't hungry, and I kept eating even when I was sick to my stomach.

But I feel good today :) I exercised and I have a food plan (and a calorie goal yay) so I feel like I am in control again.  I'm going to try not to focus too much on calories (like, I don't want to have to measure everything I eat so I can get the exact amount of calories), I want to use rough approximations so that I can stay in control but not get obsessed.

<3 thanks everyone for your support

Frustrated...

Well you can probably tell by my last post that I am not in a happy mood right now (due to the yuckiness in my belly) so in order to cheer myself up I decided that I would move on to the HSGD!

I know I said that I didn't want to count calories, but I have been anyway to make sure I'm getting "enough."  I really liked the structure that came with ABC, plus I like having to build my meals to a specific number everyday (makes it more interesting!) but my boyfriend (me too) wants me to be healthier and eat more (healthy foods of course).  So voila! the HSGD seems to be perfect for my needs :) I actually can't believe I didn't think of it earlier...  I will be doing cardio at least 4 times a week (except that I'm getting addicted so I might make it waaay more), but I don't think I'll subtract calories burned from my intake.  I'll also count fruits/vegetables because (1) I'm vegan, so what else do I eat really, and (2) half of the calories that go into my protein smoothies are from fruits and veggies (and half of my calories for the day come from those protein shakes...).


The plan is designed to start on a Monday, so I'm going to wait until then to start counting.  Maybe by then I won't even need to do it because I'll finally get used to eating loads of food and not having a real calorie limit (doubt it.).  But just thinking about it and planning it makes me feel better already :)  

Numbers are seriously my best friend <3 Calories, time, percentages lol (I'm about to graduate with a B.S. in Applied Mathematics haha I looooove numbers)

This is not worth it.

I ate over 4 hours ago and I still feel sick and full and gross.  I don't care what my boyfriend says, I am going to have to get most of my calories from protein shakes.  I cannot eat when I know I'm going to end up feeling like this.  Call it psychological, call it whatever you want--it's too much food for my body.

Ugh I have to go to sleep soon but my stomach feels so bloated!!  How am I supposed to wake up early tomorrow to exercise?!?!

hmph.

Bleh, too much food...  I can't believe that people (I used to) eat so much EVERY SINGLE DAY.  After restricting for so long, my stomach cannot take what I'm trying to force into it everyday.  And it's barely 1000 calories!!

Here's an idea of how my days have been going:
-Wake up @ 7ish and immediately go for a 4 mile walk/jog (on empty stomach to burn more fat)
-get back @9ish, shower, have banana + protein smoothie ~300 calories
-go to class @ 10
-protein smoothie @12 (trying to eat every 3 hrs to keep metabolism up) ~200 calories
-go to work, salad @ 3ish~250 calories
...When I get home from work (usually after 6), I'm still really full from my salad...  But it's time for me to eat again!  And my boyfriend is actually paying attention to me, and has been getting upset because I never want to eat dinner.  I know I promised that I would start eating more, but I feel like I physically can't!  And it sucks because if I don't force dinner down then I'll be back to restricting (except that it's not really on purpose this time...).  I need to get my stomach used to eating more, but I don't like the feeling of being so full and I especially don't like eating when I'm not hungry!  Ah so today I ate veggie chili and half a bread bowl for about 700 calories.  And I wasn't hungry...


I feel disgusting.


thin or not :) thanks for the advice, but unfortunately if I do that I'll rarely ever eat lol and then I'll probably end up binging, etc which I am really trying to get away from


Ana's Addict thank you for the encouragement :) I know it should get easier, I mean I obviously used to eat way more than this and I was fine--that's how I ended up so huge! But yea, I just need to be patient and not get frustrated :)


parisienne.love you're right, I haven't gained any weight so far :) but I'm not losing any either!  I've been at the same weight for like 3 weeks ugh...  Although I think the reason I'm not losing any weight this week is because I finally started working out so I'm gaining some muscle back yey I'm tired of being tired/weak :)


thin and bones yep I have been able to treat myself to my favorite food ever (peanut butter) without worrying too much :)  I've been snacking on it for like the past 5 days straight and have yet to gain any weight, plus I've been getting more fit from working out.  I can tell that my legs are getting stronger and I'm not getting tuckered out as easily as I was just a week ago.  Hmm.. is it possible to send me a message through blogger somehow?  I'm not sure but I feel like I've seen that option somewhere...  I don't want to post my email address on here because it has my full name...  Don't worry we shall figure something out lol!

First of all...

...you guys are awesome! Thank you so much for all the supportive comments yesterday :)

Secondly, update on yesterday: I had almost 1000 calories. Gross.  I felt like I was constantly eating, which I was since I was eating every 3 hours.  But it's part of being "healthier," and everything I added was either fruit or tofu/something with protein so I guess it's not too bad.  I'm worried about how much I'll weigh by Friday though, and I'm not entirely sure this new healthy diet is even making me feel better.  I guess it's due mostly to having gone so long without eating very much, but I felt so full and sluggish yesterday (not good because it'll lead me to skipping meals again).

This morning was rainy, but I still completed a 1 hour walk/jog around campus.  I walked/jogged over 4 miles in 1hr 10mins and felt great afterwards, so I'm happy!  I also made a fruit smoothie with soy protein and cacao powder for breakfast, but I'm hoping since I had it right after cardio that I am maximizing my calorie metabolism.  More updates tonight I hope :)

Good luck everyone <3

"Healthy"

I spent the weekend with my boyfriend trying to figure out what I need to add to my diet to be more healthy.  At the top of the list was obviously: calories.  The foods I eat are pretty healthy for the most part, I just don't eat "enough" of them. 

So here's my new plan: eat 3 meals a day + snacks so that I'm eating approximately every 3 hours.  I also can't count any calories until after I eat (otherwise I probably wouldn't eat it...).  Finally, I need to exercise at least 4 days a week, hopefully more. 

I still want to lose weight, so don't think I'm abandonning all of you out there!  And I will still be restricting my calories, just not so severely I guess.  My hope is that I will have more energy to get through my day, my boyfriend won't be so worried about me, and that I will continue to lose weight!  If any of you have seen the show Supersize Vs. Superskinny, there was a lady from the first series who looked amazing (to me anyway).  She was really into working out and eating healthy, but she ended up being "superskinny" because she just wasn't eating enough calories.  I want to end up looking like her, super thin but healthy-looking.

This is her modeling website if any of you were interested...

unbeautiful thanks for your support, I know you've been going through some stuff yourself. Stay strong <3

Ana's Addict I'm doing alright so far, but I know that I'll always be one step away from falling back into my old habits.  If the weight doesn't come off/I'm unsatisfied with my body I know that I'll revert back to restricting as it has never failed me before.  Good luck with your water fast!

Oh, and any new followers: Welcome! Please comment to let me know who you are, especially if you have a blog so I can follow you too :)

It seems my last couple of posts were deleted off here while Blogger was down...

Anyway, I'm a bit lost right now.  I don't think I want to do the ABC anymore.  I don't want to think about calories or too much food or anything.  I want to stop starving myself.  I want to be healthy.  But I can't bring myself to eat.  And when I do eat, I feel full/uncomfortable quickly (which means not eating "enough" to be healthy).  

My friend made me a pizza today.  The whole thing would have been ~800 calories.  I got really anxious because I was supposed to fast today for the ABC, but he made it for me and he's the only person I talk to about my issues with food (besides my boyfriend, but I leave out a lot of the more worrisome details when I talk to my boyfriend...) so I decided to take a bite.  I ended up eating a whole slice (~100 calories) but reverted back to my rituals of picking at it (ate all the veggie toppings off it, telling myself that those were the tastiest parts but knowing deep down it's probably because they're so low in calories).  I then felt quite full after the 1 slice, which doesn't make sense because I hadn't eaten anything all day.

I want to be thin, and I willingly put myself through all of this "starvation" stuff for it.  But now I'm getting kind of scared.  I thought I had control over food.  But now I think that I've lost the control, and even though I think that I would rather be healthy for some reason I can't change what I'm doing.

I also feel that I'm compulsively trying to fit exercise into my day, when I used to not care.  And it's not healthy exercise, just exercise because I feel the need to do it.  

I feel like I need to push my body to its limits without understanding why I feel this way.  I hope that this weekend will provide me with some clarity.

ABC day 7: 300

Unfortunately, my scale doesn't seem to be working properly again so I won't know if I'm making any progress until I get a new one (I can't trust this one anymore, it keeps messing up and tells me I either gained or lost ~10 pounds).

Yesterday I felt really tired and lazy, and ended up not doing anything all day.  Today I'll have to really focus on my homework so I can turn it in complete (since I missed class yesterday I didn't do/turn in one of my hw assignments).  I've been getting so lazy this quarter since I know that I'm graduating soon and it'll all be over shortly.  The only problem is, in order for that to happen I need to not fail my classes now.

It's been extra hard for me to focus though because I have become truly obsessed with food and losing weight.  I spend most of my time on these blogs, looking up the best ways to lose weight, or watching shows like Supersize Vs. Superskinny, etc.  It's weird, but the thing I'm most looking forward to when I graduate is having more time to go to the gym and work out.  It's like I all of a sudden I hate HW because it's keeping me from working out.  Obviously hw has always sucked, but now instead of keeping me from hanging out with friends or partying, it's keeping me from losing weight and getting fit.  For some reason I don't care so much about being with other people, not until I get this taken care of first...

Ugh and I need a new scale!  My next purchase will be a nice scale that I can finally trust in...

Plan for today:

[x] Breakfast: 1/4 orange slice ~25

[x] Lunch: vegan egg roll ~130

[x] Dinner: vegan egg roll~130

[x] Snack: 1/4 orange slice ~25

Total~310

Good luck everyone!

ABC day 6: 200 (again)

This weekend was fun, got to spend time with my family for Mother's Day.  BUT I was definitely off the ABC during this time.  At first I figured I would just skip those days and move on but why not just continue it? I don't see why I would even skip those days...  So today is now ABC day 6 again!

Plan for today:
[x]Dinner: vegan egg roll ~130
[]Snack: 2 orange slices ~50 too full from the weekend
Total: ~180 130


Also planning on doing another Salt Water Flush tonight lol I think I'm addicted after just one time :)

Hmm, not sure what else to mention.  I've felt so slow and sluggish and sick today, I don't know why.  I missed all three of my classes this morning and barely made it through work.  Ugh starting to feel sick again... 

Update (11:30pm): Salt Water Flush isn't working as well this second time around, but I think it's because I haven't been hydrating as well as I usually do.  Tomorrow my goal will be to drink at least 2 liters of water.

0

I had way too much today. My family picked me up with Mexican food with them, but I had already snacked on trail mix on the way home + 1 cup of fried rice from my boyfriend's mom.  I would put my total at more than 1000. (uhh supposed to be 200...)


I felt so sick of food that I had to go for a walk or something, so I convinced my family to stop by the beach for a while.  We walked around for around 30 minutes, then went shopping for the next 2 hours (thank goodness, more walking around!).  I had to look for some new dresses for my graduation commencement from university (omg).  


Anyway, I know I told myself that I'm not allowed any new clothes until I reach my goal, but the dresses don't count because I need them.  But while I was there I figured I should check out some of the shorts because my size 5 and 7 shorts are falling off me and it's getting too hot to wear jeans...  Soooo I picked out a couple of size 3 shorts, and then grabbed one size 1 and one size 0 just to see how far away I am from them.  In the dressing room I tried the size 0 first--AND OMG IT FIT!  I showed my mom, then tried on the size 1 but she said that pair looked too big!  Ahhh I can't believe it!  My mom got them for me, and we also went to another store where I tried on another pair of size 0 shorts just to make sure it wasn't a fluke and those fit too :)  I also bought a pair of size 1 jeans, but I'm not sure if I'll keep them because they're a bit baggy.  Of course I picked out some dresses, but I've been getting size small in dresses for a while, so I wasn't surprised (although they do look much more flattering than they used to).  


<3 I had so much fun shopping for clothes for the first time ever.  I've still got quite a ways to go as far as weight loss and toning, but it was nice to see "official" progress aside from what the scale says (especially because my scale has been acting up again so I've been skeptical about what it says).  Even my mom was excited for me, she was having so much fun seeing me try on dresses that I never would have been able to wear just a few years ago.


:D weeeee so even though I had way too many calories today, I'm not going to let it get to me too much (although I know I'm going to have to try harder tomorrow >.< mothers day lunch at buca di beppo...).


One thing I did notice: I never would have thought I could fit into size 0/1 shorts/jeans just by looking at myself in the mirror.  Also, when I was looking through the shorts/jeans after looking at the sizes, I thought they seemed really big (which is why I tried on other shorts at a different store--one pair were Roxy jean shorts btw but I can't remember the other brand I bought).  I still feel huge... I think I still look huge...  And it seems that the "small" clothes that I wear (apparently size 0) are huge too...  I don't know...

1000 pageviews

This blog has almost 1000 pageviews already! I can't believe it :) 

In order to 'celebrate' I've decided that I want to give out a prize to a couple of you out there.  I have no idea who will be the 1000th pageview-er so instead I'm just going to ask you guys to comment on this post or send me a message about it, and I'll have to figure out who to send them out to...

I want to make some Ana/EDNOS/thinspirational bracelets for you guys!  So if you're interested in 'winning' leave me a comment/message and then I'll get back to you about the design of it.

Options (lots of colors!):
-pony beads
-seed beads

-tiny string bracelet

-letter beads to spell anything you want (your name/initials, 'ANA', 'STRENGTH', 'FOCUS', etc.)

-animal, flower, star, heart beads... even Hello Kitty beads!

For example, I have a red pony bead bracelet that says <3ANA<3 with a Hello Kitty bead.  I know many of you need to be more discrete, which is why I'm offering tons of colors + you can spell anything you want on it (if you even want anything spelled on it).

And I will make it for you and send it to you for free <3  Lol I have no idea if any of you even want one of these one-of-a-kind (<-- haha) bracelets but I figured I would give it a shot anyway because I really feel that it helps to have a cute little reminder on your wrist (+ it'll remind you of the support you all have from this blogging community)

ABC day 6: 200

Today I don't have a meal plan because I'm going home to spend the weekend with my family and have no idea what I'll be eating.

Last night was AMAZING.  I don't know how I managed, but I ACTUALLY stuck to my food plan and kept to the 100 calories I was allowed.  I was hungry.  But I ignored it.  One of my roommates gave me a ~100 calorie ("special") brownie that he made fresh, and it was staring at me for the longest time but I wasn't even tempted to eat it because I knew of the calorie content.  I'm really excited about it because I think it'll give me extra strength for today and tomorrow, and I know I'll really really need it.

Lol I can't wait to have the brownie though because I love love love getting high off of edibles (much prefer it to smoking weed), I just need to find a day where I can afford the 100 calories for it.  It's too bad it has to be in brownie form, because I don't care about actually eating it (I just want the effects after I eat it lol) so it's kind of a waste of calories...

I started watching Supersize vs. Superskinny finally.  OMG it's seriously the best show ever lol I love it.  I think I watched 2-3 episodes last night haha...  Ugh I completely forgot what I was going to say about it lol.  Well I guess you'll just have to watch it for yourselves :D

ABC day 5: 100 (Friday wk 1)

I binged last night and added ~400 calories to my total (making it ~800 instead of the 400 I was supposed to eat).  It was Cinco de Mayo and I was anxious about drinking because of all the calories, so I decided to smoke some weed instead.  I don't know what I was thinking because I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get the munchies whenever I smoke--I would have been way better off drinking because I would have had a low tolerance anyway.  And then I woke up at like 5:30am with a stomach ache so I was super tired all day (+work was exhausting).  Anyway, I've decided to make up for the 400 extra calories by shaving off 100 calories for each of 4 days next week.

Hmm, so I was thinking about smoking/getting munchies this morning (while I wasn't sleeping lol).  At first I decided that I shouldn't smoke anymore because I always lose all of my willpower to not eat.  Then I realized that restricting food does not equal restricting weed.  I don't want to have to give up smoking because I'm afraid of losing control.  I just need to focus harder and TAKE control.  I enjoy being high on the weekends to relax, and I need to stop messing that up by binging and then feeling guilty about it.  Now that it's in my head, I hope that I will be able to actively draw on that thought even while I'm high.

Plan for today:
[x]Lunch: 1/4 orange slice ~25 <--eaten as snack later at night...

[x]Dinner: 8 oz miso soup with tofu ~70

Total ~95

ABC day 4: 400

Last night I finished my homework early (which NEVER happens but yay!), so I decided to watch Superskinny Me...  I know the documentary meant to show that it is so miserable trying to get to size 00 that it isnt worth it, but it didnt look that bad to me..?  The woman who did it went from size 14(UK) to size 2(UK), which is supposed to be equivalent to 00(US), in like 5-6 weeks.  And Im pretty sure she only lost ~1 stone (14 pounds? sorry Im American lol) to do that...  That seems crazy!  Im not questioning whether it was actually true, and I dont want to be mean, but she didnt even look that skinny (she was definitely thin, but not "superskinny").  I mean, I started out as a size 5(US) when I started blogging here and so far Ive lost ~20 pounds but I am nowhere near superskinny/size 00...   At first I thought, maybe its because shes taller than me--but then I realized that should have the opposite effect lol!  Because Im short I should be able to get to 00 more easily just due to my proportions...  Eh, who knows...  Im still taking it as inspiration lol

Plan for today:

[]Breakfast: 1/4 orange slice ~25

[]Snack: 1/4 orange slice ~25

[x]Lunch: 1 vegan egg roll ~130 mixed greens salad with corn and pico de gallo ~50

[x]Dinner: 8 oz veggie chili ~200 3 slices vegan pizza ~300

[]Snack: 1/4 orange slice ~25

Total~405 375

Update (10:40am): While I was walking to campus I realized I forgot my orange slices and egg roll!  I won't get back to my apartment until 6ish, so I'm currently debating whether I should eat an entire piece of fruit during my break when I go to work (~100 calories) instead of the 1/2 orange + egg roll. :[ but I don't want to eat that much all at once! Arg I guess I'll just have to see what happens when I get there....  I knew I would forget my snacks one day, I just didn't think it would be so soon!  So much for spreading my calories out over my entire day...

Oh, I also forgot to mention something else about Superskinny Me. The lady who got to 00 finished with a BMI of 19...  That's still within healthy range, so what's the problem?  As far as I can see the only thing "unhealthy" about what she did was how quickly she lost the weight. Hmm...

Update (6:00): I had to make some adjustments to my plan but it's ok! I had a mini panic attack when I realized I had to deviate from my carefully planned out meals but then figured if I stick to a small salad during the day I would be fine as far as calories (and when I later looked up the calories it turned out to be no more than 50 calories, which is more than fine lol).  Haha it's kind of funny because I was thinking so much about what I could eat/if I should eat, etc when the perfect solution would of course be a salad...  Oh, and then my boyfriend made me a new type of pizza so I'm going to have some of that for dinner instead of the chili.

Update (9:30): Instead of the orange slice, I ended up snacking on like 4 potato chips, 3 mini pretzels and 1 swedish fish...  ~80 calories. Unfortunately that makes for ~430 calories today instead of 400, but I'm not too worried about it--as long as I stick to that! I'm kinda worried because its still pretty early and I'm still craving sweets (used up my calories today on that pizza and didn't have any of my usual fruit).  I opened a bottle of diet coke though and I'm slowly taking little sips from it whenever I feel like ripping open the bag of swedish fish. It's really helping though yay! I like it better than the vitamin water zero as far as zero calorie drinks but the vitamin water does have vitamins lol so it makes me feel less guilty about drinking it (I've always been against artificial sweeteners but I decided I needed to let some in if I'm going to restrict my calories so much)..

ABC day 3: 300

Just a quick post because Ive got a midterm today.  Ill probably come back later in the evening to update.

Plan for today:
[x]Breakfast: 1/4 orange slice ~25
[x]Snack: 1/4 orange slice ~25
[x]Lunch: 1/4 orange slice ~25
[x]Snack: 1/4 orange slice ~25
[x]Dinner: 8 oz wheat noodle soup ~150
[]Snack: 1/4 orange slice ~25 not hungry :)

Total~275 250

Update (7:10pm): Today was a nice day.  I had my third midterm of the week, so once I finished it I was soo relieved.  Now I still have a bunch of homework to do, but it's not nearly as stressful to me yay.

Anyway, I LOVE lists/schedules/plans/organization.  I've always known this--I write down everything I have planned for the day, everyday.  I also keep lists of things I need to do/need to buy/pick up, etc.  In the past I've tried keeping a food journal of everything I ate.  It did not help at all, I think because I would eat things and note the amount of calories after I ate it instead of planning ahead.  Then later in the day I would run out of calories but be super hungry=binge.  

But this planning out my meals thing I've been doing? AMAZING.  I stick to it and I'm never hungry.  I never have to worry about calories because I know I've already done all the calculations.  And as long as I split my calories up in to 3 "meals" and ~3 snacks, I never worry about binging because I know that if I'm hungry now all I have to do is wait an hour or two until my next snack/meal.  Eating ~6 times a day (regardless of how many calories you are actually eating) is much more satisfying, even if I'm splitting a whole orange into 4 different meals/snacks.  Just a thought!

Salt Water Flush

As I mentioned at the end of my last post, I decided to try out the Salt Water Flush.  I read that it was supposed to kick in 1/2 an hour to 2 hours after you drink the concoction.  So of course since Ive been so grumpy about my digestion problems, after waiting for 1.5 hours I figured I did it wrong/it just doesnt work on me....  Well almost literally right after I posted that it didnt work, sure enough it kicked in..

Lol and now I feel nice and cleaned out--thanks thin and bones lol if it werent for you I probably never would have done it (I just assumed it wouldnt work on me before I even tried it)

ABC day 2: 500

Yesterday I ended up not eating 2 of my snacks because all the food I planned out ended up being way to much for me to stomach.  I'm not very hungry today either, but it's still early.  I think I really messed up my digestion over the weekend because I'm still feeling really full and bloated.  I ended up not taking the laxative last night because the only epsom salt we have around is used to clean a bong (did NOT want to risk drinking that lol).  I didn't even drink my iced green tea yesterday, which I usually look forward to.  I guess it's a good thing that I'm not feeling up to consuming anything, but I still don't like it because it's uncomfortable.  I feel like everything is just building up inside me little by little (because I'm still going to the bathroom--I'm just not feeling "empty" after I'm done...)

Plan for today:

[]Breakfast: 1/4 orange slice ~25 not hungry

[]Snack: 1/4 orange slice ~25 not hungry

[x]Lunch: 2 veggie wrap pieces ~130

[x]Snack: 1 clementine ~40 1/4 orange slice ~25

[x]Dinner: 8 oz veggie chili ~200

[x]Snack: 1 clementine ~40

Total ~460 395

Update (1:30pm): Ugh I don't know if it's just because it's gotten really hot or if I am really having digestion problems, but I have been constantly full and not hungry.  I don't like this feeling!  Even though it's keeping me from eating, I actually like feeling hungry and I hate feeling full like this...

Update (5:00pm): Tried the salt water flush... It was gross! and it didnt work :( I did the 2 tsp of non-iodized sea salt, but I guess next time Ill have to use more.  Ill try it again next Monday with 2.5 tsp.  Ew it was so yucky I had to eat an orange slice afterwards to get the salty taste out of my throat...

Just For Reference...

ABC day 1: 500

After my weekend debacle, I really just want to restrict as much as possible but I know that if I don't have a specific plan something or other will go wrong.  So I must start the ABC today, which means 500 calories.  Seems like a lot so I want to spread it out over the entire day.

Here's my plan (I'll update as I go through my day):

[x]Breakfast: 1/4 orange slice (~25)

[x]Snack: 1/4 orange slice (~25)

[x]Lunch: 2 pieces of veggie wrap (~130)

             12 oz soy milk (~120)

[]Snack: 1 clementine (~40) <-- could not bring myself to eat it, I'm just too full from earlier and still have dinner to eat (it's 7:40pm already..)

[x]Dinner: 2 pieces of veggie wrap (~130)

[]Snack: 1 clementine (~40)<--didn't want it, not hungry again... (10:25pm)

Total~510 470 430

I added the soymilk to my lunch because it is really important to get as close as possible to the exact numbers planned for the ABC, since the point of the diet is to restrict + change up the # of calories to keep your metabolism guessing (<--not sure how well that actually works, but I might as well stick to it).  However, I still want to eat as little as possible, so any "left over" calories I have after planning out my day will be in liquid form.

I also planned things out so that I'll eat something approximately every 2 hours, which is probably going to be my biggest challenge as I am notorious for skipping meals and I HATE eating when I'm not hungry. But again, I really want to be smart about this diet so that I can stick with it (it won't work if I quit!).

Oh, tonight I'm planning on taking a laxative to get nice and cleaned out for this thing too lol.

1st Weekend Post

I don't usually get to post over the weekends because I spend my time at my boyfriend's house and never get any "secret" time to sneak over my blogs lol.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be studying for a midterm tomorrow but my bf fell asleep and I couldn't resist coming on here to post.

This weekend was full of SUGAR!!  After doing the Kekwick last week my carb/sugar craving was HUGE.  I wanted to start ABC this weekend, but I had about 2000 calories yesterday and 1200 today, most of which came from sugar/carbs.  Yesterday was the worst, coming off the Kekwick + eating all of that sugar made me feel so sick.

Anyway, obviously I'm going to have to start ABC tomorrow.  I know I can follow it during the week, but I'm not sure what to do over the weekends.  I have to eat at least 2 meals Saturday and Sunday, and since I spend the entire time with my boyfriend I can't just say "oh i just ate before i got here" or something like that.  I would say that the minimum I could eat over the weekend is 600 calories a day.  This would work perfectly for the SGD but I really want to do the ABC for maximum results.  Maybe a mix between the two would work out?  I mean, I pretty much have to make some kind of compromise because there is just no way that I could get away with it--my boyfriend would kill me if I refused to eat/made up excuses not to eat.  He already thinks my eating habits are unhealthy and he doesn't even realize just how little I eat/how much I restrict.

Ugh it was so annoying yesterday--I woke up constipated from the Kekwick (for some reason I could only poop every other day during that diet).  I really needed to take my fiber supplement, but I couldn't find it.  I felt really sick and stuffed, but we had to eat lunch with his family.  Afterwards I realized that he had some epsom salt in the bathroom and I suggested that I take some (after all, he had tried some Easter weekend), but he freaked out on me!  He said that it's not healthy to take laxatives all the time (which I don't, I take a natural psyllium fiber supplement 3x a day just to stay regular), and that I take supplements instead of eating properly.  It turns out that his brother had taken my fiber (which is SO annoying--I should have known, his brother always takes stuff from my bf's room during the week without asking and most of the stuff is mine...  I felt so gross and sick all day Saturday because he took my fiber and didn't ask, so I didn't know where it was...).  I've decided that from now on, I'm going to try to semi cleanse myself of the junk I eat over the weekend by taking a laxative every Monday night.  Don't get me wrong--this is not an excuse to eat junk over the weekends!  I am just really paranoid about cleansing and being regular, etc. so even my regular fiber supplement isn't enough for my conscious anymore lol.