Family

Alright now that I got that first post out, I can gather my thoughts and write up something (at least somewhat) coherent.

During spring break I was able to spend time with my boyfriend, which was nice but it wasn't much of a change from what I usually do seeing as how I do live with him already.  Anyway, the best part of last week was actually this last weekend, when I went home to visit with my family.  I love my family and I loved seeing them, so leaving to come back here for school was really hard.  It was also my little sister's 18th birthday, so although I was excited for her I also got really anxious.  She's a senior in high school now and is about to graduate and go off to college.  I couldn't believe it but I was getting soo sentimental this weekend, thinking about how when I left for college she was barely starting 10th grade.  I'm so glad I went away for college because it helped me mature and experience life, but I hate that I had to miss my sister growing up and getting through high school.  She's still very much the same little sister I left three years ago, but she's also got so many experiences I wasn't a part of--things that helped to shape how she is now and how she will be as an adult.  And now that she's 18 and about to start the rest of her life it's finally sinking in for me.

My sister did not get in to the college she wanted to go to.  She didn't get in to the college I wanted her to go to either.  I was no help to her when she was in high school taking classes and joining clubs that would show up on her college applications.  I didn't help at all when she was filling out those applications.  And I wasn't there when she found out that she wasn't accepted.  I can only imagine how sad and scared she felt when she found out.  And it makes me so sad that she had to feel those things.  I realize that she has to live her own life and experience these things for herself--I can't possibly hold her hand through everything and I won't.  I guess I just wish I was a bigger part of her life so that it wouldn't hurt her as much when things like this happen.

This weekend was a lot of fun.  My sister was so happy being treated for her birthday and spending time with the family.  She wasn't thinking about colleges, and when she was she was trying to look at the bright side of what she was dealt.  I love my sister and I'm so proud of what she has accomplished without me.  She is still going to a good university, just not the one she had planned on.  I'm so proud of her, and I must make an effort to reach out to her more often so that she knows that.

Religion

Ash Wednesday marked the beginning of Lent and my attempt at a 40 day fast.  Although I had been really religious in high school, I completely stopped going to mass/church at the end of my first year at university.

Lately I've been reading a lot about philosophy and drugs and the philosophy of drugs...  I've decided that this fast will be good for my mind if not my body.  I will have more time to think and reflect on my life and what is important to me and what I want out of it.  I also feel that, like drugs (or my choice of drugs anyway), fasting will bring me closer to a peaceful mindset. 

Anyway, today I am still 121.5 pounds.

I went home with my boyfriend William for the weekend, which is why I wasn't able to update this blog.  I also couldn't really keep up with my ideal diet because of his family.  On Saturday, I was doing really well until he walked in the room and told me someone got a promotion and wants to take the family out to a buffet for dinner....  ARGH! Really?!?  Anyway I went and figured I would just stick to the salad bar, but I guess everyone was looking out for anything vegan for me to eat (which of course is really sweet but not right now lol, I'm kind of in the middle of something!).  So William pointed out that they had french fries and I went over to take a tiny scoop, but he served me instead and gave me a bunch!  Then he offered me some fried bananas, so I cringed and said I'd try one and he gave me two ugh.  Anyway, I probably didn't do too badly at the buffet because I picked at all the food and after that I did just stick to the salad bar.  Plus there is no way I could be upset at William for foiling my plans like that because he was so sweet about it. <3


Sunday was bad though.  We went to get Mexican food for lunch, and I only ate 1/3 of my veggie burrito with a bunch of chili peppers to fill me up/speed up my metabolism/force me to drink a bunch of water.  But then William gave me a fruit salad that was in some kind of syrupy mix full of sugar.  Around 6ish (my normal dinner time) I was getting really hungry but his family always eats late so I started snacking on my burrito.  I probably ate close to another 1/3 and then stopped myself because I knew I'd have to eat more later.  At dinner his mom started me off with a HUGE scoop of rice, which was weird because she didn't give nearly as much to anyone else...  Does she think I eat that much?!  I wonder if I used to eat THAT much...  That would explain the chubbyness eww..  Luckily the veggie dish she made me was full of mushrooms I don't like, so I picked at it and made it look like I ate it.  I left more than 75% of the rice though, it was way too much.  After dinner I ended up eating some grapefruit.


So after all that, I didn't lose/gain any weight.  I wasn't expecting to lose any going in to the weekend, but it still sucked when I weighed myself this morning and saw that I didn't, especially after such a successful first week.  But that just means that my metabolism has pretty much shut down and I need to really focus this week if I expect any more weight loss.