it's crazy...

that i continue to come back here.

130.2

Running Lean by Diana L. Sharples

I just finished reading the book Running Lean by Diana L Sharples.  I very much recommend it--I thought the main character, Stacey, was written perfectly (she is supposed to have an ED).  I was actually more interested in how her boyfriend Calvin was written.  Once he realizes that something is up with her, he researches anorexia online and tries to fix her.  Every time he sees her he begs her to eat something, saying he just wants her to be healthy.  I think he was supposed to be the "sane" one in the book, but I found him to be so annoying!  He reminded me of a jerk I knew who reacted similarly with me.  Anyway, I guess that means that the book was pretty well written if I had that kind of reaction towards one of the characters!

I am at 122.5 today and not expecting to lose anything as we had a family get-together earlier.

Winter Break!

Yesterday was the last day of school, so I am now on Winter Break for a month!  I'm so excited, I was really feeling exhausted the last couple of weeks of school.  It is a little bitter-sweet though, as I'll definitely miss my students and fellow teachers.

I'm at 122.6, which is lower, but the numbers seem to be moving so slowly!  I've been pretty good at restricting the amount of food I am eating, but sweets keep making their way into my mouth. :(

I started reading Running Lean by Diana L. Sharples.  I am really liking it and could just barely put it down long enough to type up this quick update.  So far, the author is doing a great job at capturing the thoughts of someone with an eating disorder (in my opinion).

123.9

So I weighed less this morning, which is good.  It's weird looking at the numbers though, because at first I was so happy to see that it was lower.  Then I realized how small the change actually was.

I did a good job last night not eating any more after posting.  Today I was doing alright until the teacher across the hallway came into my classroom offering donuts.  I took a twist donut without thinking.  Then I went to my parents house and it turns out my dad had just finished cooking macaroni and cheese.  

Honestly though, I'm pretty happy because I just got back to my apartment and I would probably be eating again if it weren't for this blog.

Today I ate:
1 scoop protein powder
1 twist donut
Mac n cheese (2 cups?)

Now I need to find the strength to avoid holiday treats!  We are having a potluck after school tomorrow, and students are starting to give me holiday presents like boxes of chocolate O_O

I also ran 2.5 miles today, and it's feeling easier every day.  I have another half marathon coming up in less than two weeks yay! I've been trying to run one every month since October.

125.1

I ate way too much last night.  This is how it always goes--you make it through most of the day, then in the last few hours before going to bed you eat up a storm.  My boyfriend made some food and it looked so good that I had to take a bite.  Then he said, "Go ahead and eat the rest of it, I'm making more for myself that isn't vegetarian."  !!!

When I weighed myself this morning, I wanted to ignore the numbers thinking they would decrease if I weighed myself a little later in the day. (Again, this is part of the denial that I have been going through the past few years.)  I decided to stick with it, knowing that if the numbers really are lower, then it will show up on the scale tomorrow.

Today I had:

1 scoop of protein powder
1 homemade ice cream sandwich
~2 handfuls of nachos

The actual food was terrible, but I'm hoping the small amount will make up for it.  I need to work my way up to restricting food again.


BTW I also ran about 2.3ish miles today :)

Years later, I am still here....

I now weigh 124.7 pounds.  

I have gone through many changes since I last posted here.  I began teaching full time (7th and 8th grade math).  I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend of over 6 years. I bought a car.  I have run several half marathons.

And apparently I gained a bunch of weight.  This last one makes me sad.  I love my life, but this last one makes me sad.

So here I am, trying to gain control over something that I used to be quite good at.  Well, I guess I'm off to check in on blogs I used to follow and maybe find some new ones!

Holy Crap..

...It has literally been almost a year since I have posted on here.  Well, I'm not dead!  I have been working on my teaching credential (yay) for the past year, and I am almost done with it :)

For those of you who care, the teaching credential program that I am enrolled in is VERY intensive.  I can honestly say that I severely underestimated it.  I went to UCLA for my undergrad (studied applied mathematics), and ended up going to a local state university for the credential (so I thought it would be a piece of cake).  While the courses weren't all that bad, my actual schedule was extremely rigorous.  I have been student teaching 5 days a week (from 7:30-3:00), then going to class (I think I took 5 classes each semester).  Plus working part time.... It was rough.  Just the student teaching part of it took up most of my time, especially with all the lesson planning and grading.  But I love my students and my classes at the university are almost over! In a few weeks I'll be graduating again haha...

I have also been training to run in the Rock n Roll half marathon! (phew and I wonder why I have no time for anything?)  I've been running with my dad, who is trying to lose some weight :) It's been nice trading some diet tips and running tips with my dad (lol it's kinda funny)...

Anyway, I guess that's it for now! I'll be reading your blogs for a while (I have a year to catch up on...) :)